


The First Time I Saw Your Face

by Lady Divine (fhartz91)



Series: A New Way of Looking at Love [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, French Kissing, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Romance, Scars, Visual Agnosia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 11:16:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1896960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/Lady%20Divine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt, a boy who no one tried to notice, falls for Sebastian, a boy who notices no one.</p><p>Childhood to college au. Angst, romance, hurt/comfort. Warnings for mentions of two accidents, nothing gory or gross, visual agnosia (a disorder that affects how Sebastian perceives certain objects, including faces), and an extensive scar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sebastian couldn’t see faces.

Growing up, Sebastian was an unusually hyper child. His parents couldn’t handle him. His nanny couldn’t handle him. He didn’t have many friends because he rarely stopped moving long enough to meet them. He was extremely intelligent, but couldn’t be bothered with trivial things like school and books. He couldn’t walk to school unchaperoned because on the days he did, he never made it there. An exceptionally large tree would call to him, and he would be compelled without reason to climb it. Or he would find a neighbor’s skateboard in the grass and skate away to the next town. One bizarre morning he was discovered at a neighbor’s house painting their fence.

It was on a day when he was running late for school and the nanny was sick and his mother and father were out of town that Sebastian took off down the street just to be distracted by his old foe – California black oak. A small fence constructed at the base of the tree and wound around with yellow caution tape couldn’t deter Sebastian. He leapt over them with barely any effort and shot up the trunk, scurrying straight to the top like a squirrel. He bounced among the high branches, swinging from one to the other, pretending to be a lemur in Madagascar, which is why the crew from the city maintenance department didn’t see him.

Men in cherry pickers started thinning out the branches, never noticing the rambunctious little boy until one of the workers spotted him balancing on the branch he had just finished trimming. Green eyes met brown for just a moment before the branch broke with a sickening snap and Sebastian fell to the ground, knocking out a few loose tree limbs along the way.

Eight broken bones.

A concussion.

A bunch of nasty looking contusions.

Close to fifty stitches.

His nanny never forgave herself.

His mother felt guilty for being grateful that her uncontrollable son’s massive injuries would force him to stay in one place for a while.

His father sued the city.

The doctors predicted that he would make a full recovery.

But Sebastian was an unusual boy.

Nothing about him was easy.

Something most children would have recovered from, even a horrendous accident like his, wouldn’t leave Sebastian without some kind of life-altering scar.

So when Sebastian opened his eyes and looked around his bed, he found he was completely and entirely alone, not because his family wasn’t standing at his bedside. He saw their bodies and their legs. But not a single one of them had a face.

The doctors assured his parents it would likely go away.

They gave his parents books. They put them in touch with support groups, specialists, and therapists.

His parents called acupuncturists, gurus, and monks.

No one had any solutions.

His parents pulled Sebastian out of school. They got him private tutors. He took his classes online.

He graduated with honors and when he turned eighteen he left his parents’ home against his family’s wishes and moved to New York City.

He never saw his parents again.

***

Kurt hated his face.

He wore turtlenecks and high collars.

He pulled the edges up to cover his right side.

He ate in the cafeteria by himself.

He spoke to no one.

In a room full of people, he tried to disappear.

Kurt was a meticulous child; a perfectionist really. His father never truly understood him. It all started when his mother died. After that, Kurt had an obsessive need for utter control in his life. Excessive neatness. A place for everything and everything in its place. Even ridiculous things needed to measure up to Kurt’s almost insane level of perfection. His father would wake up some mornings to not just a spotless house, but a thoroughly clean and organized garage. One Sunday morning, on the third anniversary of his mother’s death, Kurt’s father found him outside rearranging the plants growing in the garden. There Kurt was, dressed in head to toe plastic, two pairs of gardening gloves on his hands, and a ruler. He had started by measuring the distance from the house to the first tulip, and with mathematical precision, he readjusted all the tulips to match, color coordinated the gladiolas, and redistributed the gerberas by varying shades in order according to the color spectrum.

Kurt’s father sat and watched his son the entire afternoon, until Kurt reached a hydrangea and stopped in his tracks. The plant grew in an area of the garden with constantly changing levels of aluminum in the soil. Part of the plant grew blue and part of it pink. No matter how hard Kurt tried, he couldn’t figure out a way to divide the plant, and after an hour of trying, he broke down, sat in the dirt, and began to cry.

Kurt’s father held his son, and told him he would make everything all right. The next morning, the beautifully troublesome hydrangea had been adopted by a kindly neighbor down the street who knew what it was like to lose someone she loved.

Kurt’s obsession with order seemed to get worse from that day on, and his father was at a loss. He thought maybe his son was too isolated. Kurt had no real friends. A little girl from down the street had invited him over for a tea party once, but became frustrated with him when he took all of her collectibles down off of her shelves and categorized them by color and magical species.

His father planned a barbecue. He invited friends, neighbors, and family members from all over Ohio. Almost everyone came. Kids ran around the yard. Adults laughed and talked over potato salad and unhealthy fried foods. Kurt’s father broke out the old grill for the first time in years. Everything went off without a hitch. Kurt’s father even thought that Kurt looked happy.

A neighbor stacking the charcoal briquettes on the grill caught Kurt’s eye. The man stepped away for a moment, and Kurt noticed that the pyramid the tiny black blocks formed angled off obtusely on one side more than the others.

Kurt felt an overwhelming need to fix it.

He didn’t know the briquettes were already doused in fluid and lit.

Kurt reached for the grill, and brought the whole thing down on top of him.

The few neighbors who had decided not to attend the barbecue could hear Kurt’s screams from blocks away.

The entire right side of his face was scorched into one huge, angry scar.

Everything but his eye had been irreparably damaged.

He carried the burn his entire life.

Everyone in the relatively small town of Lima, Ohio, knew about Kurt’s accident. No one spoke about it. Kids didn’t tease him about it. Everyone understood, but Kurt still felt alone.

He hid his face.

He hid his life.

The day after graduation, he packed a bag and ran away.

Kurt was tired of hiding.

***

Running away to a place where very few people stood out seemed perfect to Kurt, but he was still terribly lonely. To a degree, the campus at NYU was a lot like Lima. No one really judged him for his scar, but no one made an effort to be friends with him either. He knew he was hard to look at. Sometimes, the people who tried hard not to stare at him were more obvious than those who stared openly, or the ones who gasped and looked away.

On the first day of _Intro to College Math_ , Kurt, the boy that people tried not to notice, found a boy who didn’t notice anyone. Kurt watched him from a distance as the young man took notes and diligently did his work. If there was a single incomparable human in the world, this man had to be it. Everything from his modernly styled hair to his sea green eyes, his flawless skin and his impeccable fashion sense, screamed perfection…and unavailable.

The thing that fascinated Kurt the most was that regardless of the loads of attention that people heaped on him – girls flirted with him, metrosexual men practically begged to be his friend – he ignored them all. Even the professor calling out his name didn’t seem to attract his attention.

 _Sebastian_.

Kurt sat three rows back and to the left of unrivaled beauty, and his name was Sebastian.

He wrote it on his left arm so he would never forget it.

“Okay, now you’re just making shit up,” a girl behind Kurt scolded her friend. “Can’t see faces? That’s not even a thing. You just don’t want me to ask him out before you get the chance. FYI – it’s not going to work. I’m totally getting up on that as soon as possible.”

“Whatevs,” her friend retorted. “It is _so_ a thing. I heard Professor Evans talking about it. That’s why he doesn’t talk to anyone…and P.S. He’s mine, thank you very much.”

Their conversation piqued Kurt’s curiosity, and even though he wouldn’t normally give either girl the time of day, he turned quickly and confronted them.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, sounding more assertive than usual under the circumstances. Both girls jumped back a bit.

“Ugh,” the first girl commented. “Rude much?”

A third girl sitting beside them closed her book with a frustrated sigh.

“It’s called visual agnosia,” she clarified without sparing them a glance. “It’s not that he can’t _see_ faces. He knows what a face is, it’s just his mind doesn’t recognize them anymore, so it replaces them with something else. From what I hear, everyone just looks kind of like a big blur on legs to him.”

The girl started to gather up her belongings and shove them in her bag.

“But…but what could cause that?” Kurt asked, suddenly excited by the prospect of a gorgeous man who couldn’t see his face, wouldn’t see how damaged he was.

Maybe they could be friends.

“Uh…I don’t know,” the girl said, zippering up her bag. “Maybe an accident? A blow to the head or something.” The girl looked up at Kurt with an unexpectedly warm smile. “Maybe you should ask him.” The girl winked at Kurt, shouldered her bag, and headed for the door.

Kurt absentmindedly got up and followed her. She seemed to know something he didn’t. Or was that just wishful thinking on his part? Either way, if Sebastian couldn’t see Kurt’s horrible scar, then it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him, maybe ask him out for coffee. Maybe he could make up an excuse, ask Sebastian for help with the math assignment.

_Shit!_

Kurt was almost through the classroom door when he realized he had left his book and the rest of his belongings on his desk.

Kurt turned on his heel, muttering to himself. He ducked his head to avoid any possible stares from his classmates. A herd of gabby girls walked into him head on, and Kurt landed on his tailbone on the hard, linoleum floor.

A hand grabbed his arm.

“Hey! Are you alright?” Kurt heard a velvety smooth voice ask. Then the voice gasped. Kurt was sure some well-meaning jock had reached down to help him and caught sight of his face.

But the reality was worse…much worse.

Sebastian, his green eyes even more intense and incredible from close up, had grabbed hold of Kurt’s left wrist. The long sleeve of Kurt’s hoodie had pushed up to his elbow. Sebastian stood frozen, staring at his own name.

Kurt’s terrified eyes watched Sebastian’s face closely, waiting for a reaction.

Sebastian smiled, his all-too tempting lips twitching up into a crookedly adorable grin.

“So, is that _my_ name on your arm? Or is your name Sebastian, too?”

“Uh…” Kurt hadn’t expected this. This gorgeous guy wasn’t cringing in fear, wasn’t backing away, wasn’t ignoring him uncomfortably as if he didn’t exist. In fact, Kurt wasn’t too certain, but Sebastian might have just flirted with him. Kurt felt his face glow red. The most handsome man Kurt had ever seen was flirting with him.

To be fair, Sebastian hadn’t really caught sight of his face yet.

Kurt swallowed hard. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He simply waited for the shoe to drop.

Sebastian’s eyes found his face.

Kurt went rigid, but then breathed a sigh of relief remembering that Sebastian wouldn’t react like everyone else, because he wouldn’t see his face. He would only see a blur. For once, Kurt would be just another face in the crowd.

Sebastian didn’t react like anyone else ever had.

His eyes went wide. His grip around Kurt’s arm tightened. He stared for a moment, a strange, unreadable expression on his face.

Then Sebastian choked out a laugh, dropping to his knees in front of Kurt, who still lay sprawled on his ass on the floor.

“I can see you,” Sebastian whispered. Kurt would have thought the man was poking fun at him if not for the genuine sound of awe in his voice and the tears shimmering in his eyes. “I can see you,” he repeated softly. He reached his free hand out to touch Kurt’s face. Kurt backed away as far as he could to avoid Sebastian’s fingers, but not far enough to pull his wrist free of Sebastian’s grip.

“Is everything alright, Sebastian? Kurt?” Professor Evans asked from behind them. Kurt looked up and saw the professor staring down at them, along with almost every other student from their math class, and a few others who lingered in the hall.

“Kurt,” Sebastian parroted. The sound of his name wrapped around that velvety voice brought Kurt’s attention back to Sebastian’s astonished green eyes. “Kurt,” he said again. Sebastian slowly started to come to the realization that they were both sitting on the floor in the doorway of their classroom, with a group of their peers staring at them strangely. He stood, pulling Kurt to his feet, unwilling to take his eyes off of Kurt’s stunned face.

“Would you like to go have coffee with me, Kurt?” Sebastian asked. “I would like to get to know you…if you have the time.”

This was all too weird, even for Kurt. He had no idea what was going on. But was he really going to let that get in the way of him having coffee with this stunning man?

“I would love to,” Kurt answered breathlessly. “I just need to…to get my books.”

Sebastian followed behind Kurt while he got his things. It should have unnerved Kurt, the way Sebastian looked at him. Kurt had been stared at most of his life, but not like this. Not like he was someone to be admired.

Not like he was beautiful.

He gathered all of his things into his bag and shrugged it onto his shoulder, but Sebastian intercepted it, and slung it over his shoulder instead.

“This way you can’t run away from me,” Sebastian whispered with a satisfied smirk on his face. He took  Kurt by the hand and led him from the classroom, several dozen pairs of eyes and gaping mouths following them as they walked away.


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt sipped his coffee, shrinking slightly beneath the weight of Sebastian’s eyes as they followed Kurt’s every move. Sebastian seemed absolutely fascinated by Kurt. He mimicked every gesture. Sebastian licked his lips when Kurt did, swallowed when Kurt swallowed, tilted his head at the same time. It was almost like looking into a mirror.

Almost.

“So, was there something that you wanted to know…about me?” Kurt asked. He felt exposed, like a specimen in a glass jar…something novel and interesting for Sebastian to look at.

“Yes. Yes, I do, as a matter of fact,” Sebastian replied, managing to sound both distant and interested at the same time. “Tell me everything about yourself.”

Kurt’s eyes bugged slightly. He looked down at his watch and sighed.

“Everything?” Kurt asked. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.” Sebastian smiled. Kurt noticed Sebastian’s hands working on the surface of the table - flexing, fidgeting, crawling slightly as if Sebastian wanted to take Kurt’s hand, but then returning to their place, fingers thrumming on the Formica surface.

“Well…” Kurt spun his coffee cup in his hands. He focused on the plastic lid, trying to think of something interesting to say. He felt pressured to live up to some sort of magical, super-human status. “I’m from Ohio…”

Three words spoken and Sebastian’s eyes practically glowed, his hand slapping down on the table unexpectedly.

“So am I!” he said. “Westerville. You?”

“Lima.” Kurt chuckled, trying hard to hold back the small tremor of excitement that shot through him. “I lived there my entire life with my dad…my mom died when I was eight…”

Sebastian’s face softened. This time his hand found Kurt’s and held it gently.

“I’m so sorry,” he said.

Kurt flinched involuntarily at the unsolicited contact.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, pulling his hand back slowly. “Do I make you nervous?”

“More than you can possibly comprehend,” Kurt replied, with only slight sarcasm.

Sebastian smirked.

“Why is that?” Sebastian asked earnestly, finally taking a sip of his neglected coffee.

“Well, if you must know,” Kurt started, feeling unexpectedly vulnerable, “it’s the way you stare at me.”

Sebastian looked up from his coffee with a flirty smile.

“I imagine people stare at you all the time.”

Kurt scowled, the truth of Sebastian’s comment driving every other thought out of his head. His suspicions about Sebastian’s motives turned to anger - utterly irrational anger.

“What? Is that some kind of joke?” Kurt barked.

“Wh-what are you talking about?” Sebastian’s smile slipped as confusion took over.

“Is this some really elaborate prank?” Kurt couldn’t help the sound of hurt in his voice. He only had himself to blame. He should have known better. Can’t see faces? What the fuck is that!? That girl in class could have been in on it. That would explain her strange, impish grin.

“Do people stare at me?” Kurt muttered, taking out his wallet and dropping a couple of wrinkled dollars on the table to pay for his coffee. “Only all the time, you dumb fuck, but you know that, don’t you?”

“Kurt?” Sebastian reached out for Kurt’s hand, but Kurt pulled it away. “Kurt, I don’t know…do people stare at you? Is there something I’m missing?”

“I don’t think you _do_ miss it!” Kurt started yelling. “I think you see it crystal clear.”

Kurt stood and bolted from the coffee shop. Sebastian grabbed his bag and followed, getting more and more flustered with each step.

“Kurt…I have no idea…would you please wait!”

Kurt stopped. He didn’t know why. He didn’t have a reason to. He didn’t owe this man anything, but Kurt still held on to the hope that everything Sebastian claimed was true, that he couldn’t see Kurt’s face and his awful scar, and that maybe, maybe he really wanted to get to know Kurt.

“Could you please tell me what the hell is going on?” Sebastian pleaded, “Because believe it or not, I don’t have a clue.”

Kurt took a deep breath, filling his lungs to overflowing with the cool, fall air. He got as close to Sebastian as he dared, until they were nearly touching noses. Kurt squinted into Sebastian’s eyes, which stared back at him bewildered. Sebastian didn’t flinch at Kurt’s closeness. He didn’t seem disgusted by the fact that Kurt’s face came so close to touching his.

Could it all be true, or was Sebastian just one hell of an actor?

Kurt still wasn’t sure.

“What do you see?” Kurt asked.

“What?” Sebastian didn’t move away from Kurt, even as Kurt inched even closer.

“When you look at my face…what do you see?”

Sebastian breathed a sigh of relief, his entire face relaxing back into that charming, smooth and easy smile that had started to tie Kurt’s stomach into tiny knots.

“I see your smile…” he said softly, holding Kurt’s gaze captive with his own as he spoke, “…and I see your beautiful blue eyes…I see your perfect, porcelain skin…”

Kurt recoiled at the mention of his skin.

“Perfect?” Kurt whispered in disbelief. “Perfect?” Kurt didn’t know if he wanted to cry or scream. “Why are you being so cruel? You don’t even know me.”

Sebastian threw his hands up in frustration.

“I don’t understand!” he exclaimed. “I wish you would just tell me what you’re talking about, because I promise you I don’t know!”

Kurt grabbed one of Sebastian’s hands, placing just his fingertips to the right side of his face. Sebastian traced down the embedded marks and ridges on Kurt’s skin gently. The feeling of Sebastian’s fingers touching his face tenderly filled Kurt with a strange, unfamiliar feeling. His heart sped in his chest, his eyes grew wide. He felt fire rush through his blood. He held his breath, praying Sebastian didn’t notice.

Kurt watched Sebastian’s face for any change, any sign of revulsion or disgust. Sebastian’s brow furrowed, his eyes searching Kurt’s face, trying to make sense of what he felt in contrast to what he saw. Kurt felt his righteous indignation start to dissolve. Suddenly Kurt wanted those fingertips all over his body. He wanted them creeping beneath his shirt, exploring over his skin. He never wanted anyone’s touch so much. Kurt backed away. Sebastian’s hand hovered in the air for a moment.

“What…what was that?” Sebastian asked.

“It’s a scar. A burn. I got it when I was little. It destroyed the right side of my face.”

“Oh,” Sebastian said, his confused eyes soft and sympathetic. “I’m so sorry.”

Kurt nodded, waiting for the inevitable. Now Sebastian knew the truth. He could let Kurt down easy. He would realize his mistake, walk away, and go on with the rest of his life. Kurt could go home alone and file this moment away so he could look back on it and remember the feeling of Sebastian’s fingers on his skin, and that look of absolute wonder in Sebastian’s perfect green eyes when he first looked at Kurt’s face.

But Sebastian didn’t say a word, and he didn’t turn to leave. He simply waited for Kurt to say something. If Sebastian’s staring was unnerving, his silence was almost unbearable. Kurt looked left and right, needing a way out.

“What is it that you want, Sebastian?” Kurt sounded exasperated. He wanted to run. Run away from this God-forsaken coffee shop, and the strangers who started to stare their way.

He wanted to run away from the possibility of getting his heart broken.

“Honestly, I want to see you again.”

Kurt laughed at the irony.

Sebastian sighed with a tired chuckle of his own.

“Ok, my staring bothers you. I accept that. I’ll stop.” Sebastian ran a hand through his hair while he tried to think of a solution.

“How about this,” he suggested finally, “I’ll close my eyes for a full minute, and you get to decide how you want to move forward. We can shake hands and say good-bye as friends, or maybe, just maybe, you can be open-minded and give me a chance.”

Kurt didn’t answer. He couldn’t convince his mouth to make words. Was this man for real? Did he really want to ask Kurt out again…after all of this?

Sebastian closed his eyes.

Kurt looked at Sebastian’s face, eyes closed, lips relaxed into a sly grin, waiting for Kurt to make his move.

Kurt imagined for a second that Sebastian maybe even wanted Kurt to kiss him.

Sebastian waited, counting quietly in his head, hoping for anything…a touch…a whisper…a kiss? Would Kurt be that bold? But the longer he waited, the more he began to think that Kurt might not even like him.

A breath ghosted over Sebastian’s ear like the light touch of a feather gliding over his skin.

“I don’t know what you’re waiting for, gorgeous,” a silky voice said, “but your hideous friend just split.”

Sebastian’s eyes snapped open. His eyes swept over the sidewalk, the chairs filled with faceless customers sitting at tables, sipping their drinks. He looked up and down the street in vain. Kurt had run off.

“Thanks,” he said in a monotone to the hopeful barista, “and fuck you very much.”

***

“So, you just left him there?” the fiery blonde therapist asked with a scowl on her face. “In the doorway to Starbucks, practically begging you to kiss him?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. He stood from the straight backed arm chair and started pacing the small office.

“Yes, alright, Jane!” Kurt groaned, feeling the full weight of his guilt barreling through him. “I left him there. I left him standing there with his eyes closed, and yes, I think he wanted me to kiss him. But…”

“But, what?” Jane propped her feet up on her desk. Kurt cringed at the sight of her thirty dollar sensible shoes scuffing the rich mahogany desk top. “Be prepared, sweet cheeks. He might not want to speak to you ever again.”

Kurt sighed, dropping back down into the stiff chair. That’s what he was afraid of. He hadn’t really thought about it when he took off, but he had his reasons, and they were good reasons…weren’t they?

“I just…I don’t…” Kurt cradled his head in his hands. “Why me?”

“Well, that’s an easy question to answer, isn’t it?”

“And that’s the problem!: Kurt exclaimed. “I don’t want him to like me just because he can see me. I mean, it’s fucked up that he has this crazy, rare disorder and all, but I don’t think I’m strong enough to be his anchor…and I don’t want to be a consolation prize.”

Jane fixed Kurt with her piercing sky blue eyes.

“But, you didn’t even give him a chance, did you?” Jane accused. “You’re kind of a judgmental prick, do you know that?”

Kurt’s jaw dropped.

“Excuse me?” he said defensively. “You know, I don’t think I’m paying you to insult me.”

“No, you’re paying me so I can help you, and part of that is calling you out on your bullshit when I smell It and, whoa, if you aren’t stinking up this office like a manure factory.”

Kurt felt defeated. Jane was crude, but she was also right.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, seeing as he’ll probably never speak to me again.” Kurt picked at a stray string on the arm of the chair. “I don’t even know why he _can_ see me,” Kurt mumbled.

“There I might be able to help you,” Jane said. She leaned her chair back dangerously, pulling a stack of papers from her printer and passing them to Kurt. “When you called, I emailed a colleague of mine. A neurologist. He got in contact with a guy who deals in obscure neurological disorders, and emailed me all this crap.”

Kurt took the papers and flipped through them. He counted almost thirty pages filled with words like visual input, mental representation, recognition memory, and a few others he felt he might be able to discern, but wedged between those were other words like positron emission topography, N-acetyl-aspartate depletion, and impaired semantic fluency that he was sure would give him a headache after only five minutes. Kurt shook his head in disbelief as he tried to digest a few of these sentences and failed.

“Uh…can I get the Cliffs Notes version?”

“No,” Jane said sternly. “Partially because your penance for being an ass is to read that stack from top to bottom.”

Kurt raised an eyebrow, peeking up at Jane from over the papers.

“And what’s the other part?”

“The other part is I couldn’t even begin to tell you what any of that means, but…”

Jane stood from her desk and walked over to where Kurt sat, flipping through the daunting pages with a look of exasperation on his face. She thumbed past a few pages until she reached a section that with a highlighted passage. She jabbed at the page a few times with her finger.

“This might answer your question as to why he can see you.”

Kurt scanned the few sentences eagerly, but quickly became overwhelmed, throttling the pages in frustration.

“Basically,” Jane explained, “it says that he can see your face because of your scar, but he’s telling the truth. He can’t see your scar.”

“What?” The depths of Kurt’s confusion became astronomical.

“His brain works on perception,” Jane continued. “He’s seen a face before, but because of whatever, he no longer perceives them. More than likely, he’s never seen a scar like yours before, so his mind removes it and replaces it with what’s familiar…your face.”

“So, if he saw someone else with a scar…or a gigantic birthmark or something…”

“It might work the same way. Yes.” Jane returned to her seat, propping her feet back up on her desk.

“So, I was right.” Kurt shook his head. “I’m not special.”

Jane sighed.

“God, are you infuriating!” she said. “It has nothing to do with that. Realistically, it has very little to do with you. For once in your sad, tragic little life, someone else has it slightly worse.”

“Really?” Kurt scoffed. “How? He’s gorgeous, smart, he could have anyone he wanted…”

“Yeah, except he can’t, can he? He’s lonely. He wanted a friend. After all these years, he finally found someone he could actually see and when he reached out to that person, they left him in a coffee shop without even a good-bye.”

Kurt dropped his head in shame. He was so infuriated by the idea that Sebastian might be playing him, might have some cruel angle or intention, that he never considered that Sebastian might just be a lonely guy looking for a friend.

He was so busy being a victim, he didn’t realize he was also a self-centered ass.

“What do I do?” Kurt asked.

Jane pointed at the pages in Kurt’s hands.

“You read those, and on the off chance that Captain Perfect actually does talk to you, you apologize, and you offer to buy him a coffee.”

“And if he yells at me?” Kurt met Jane’s eyes.

“You let him,” she said, “because you deserve it. Now get the hell out of my office, Skinny Jeans. Your hour’s up.”

Jane waved Kurt away with one dismissive, manicured hand.

***

If Sebastian felt Kurt staring at him, he didn’t let on. He focused on the blackboard and did his work quickly, hoping to pack up his things and be out the door the moment class ended.

Kurt barely paid attention to anything Professor Evans said. He caught something about derivatives, and maybe something about integers. Frankly he could care less. He had passed Calculus BC before graduating high school. He was fairly sure missing out on the professor’s riveting discussion about positive and negative numbers wouldn’t kill his grade point average. He didn’t even bother to take his book out of his bag. He wanted to be able to catch Sebastian before he had the chance to give him the slip.

Kurt felt like an 80s high school angst movie cliché, sitting on the edge of his seat, watching the second hand tick slowly around the face of the clock on the wall, ready to pounce when the bell rang. When the time came, Kurt’s graceful and carefully planned approach failed spectacularly when his foot tangled in the straps of his backpack, and he crashed onto the ground bringing his desk down with him. Everyone stopped and stared. Professor Evans gaped at him from his spot in front of the blackboard. The girls in the desks behind him chittered like squirrels, giggling behind their hands and shaking their heads. Kurt didn’t try to get up. He hoped that maybe Sebastian had seen this as his golden opportunity and left.

A strong hand grabbed Kurt’s arm and pulled him to his feet.

“Yeah, thanks,” Kurt muttered, not even turning to face whoever helped him.

“Yeah, well, I’m beginning to think being knocked on your ass is going to be a daily thing with you.” Sebastian turned the desk over and rescued Kurt’s traitorous backpack.

Kurt went cold. He hadn’t seen this coming. He had practiced what he would say to Sebastian in his head over and over, and never once did that conversation start with Sebastian picking his sorry ass up off the floor.

Kurt decided to just go for it.

“Look,” Kurt said, “about the other day…”

“Forget it,” Sebastian interrupted, thrusting the backpack into Kurt’s arms. “I think you made yourself pretty clear already. No harm, no foul.”

Sebastian shifted uncomfortably on his feet, turning to leave. Kurt grasped at straws, trying to think of anything that would keep Sebastian from walking away.

_I’m sorry._

_I’m an idiot._

_I didn’t mean to run off. It was an accident._

“So…do you have apperceptive or associative visual agnosia?” Kurt blurted out.

Sebastian stopped short.

_Shit!_

“I’m sorry,” Kurt followed up quickly. “Is that a personal question? I didn’t mean…”

Sebastian turned and looked back at Kurt with a cryptic expression in his green eyes.

“Where did you…”

“My therapist,” Kurt divulged. “She gave me some information…”

Kurt dug through his backpack, searching for the well-read and underlined sheets of paper cluttering his bag, trying to hide from Sebastian’s hard-to-interpret look of scrutiny. Kurt pulled out a few of the pages from the mass and Sebastian took them, scanning the words and noting the notes scribbled into the margins.

“So, you know.” Sebastian shrugged, handing the pages back to Kurt. “Now we’re even.”

Kurt zippered up his bag quickly, shooting out a hand to grab Sebastian’s shoulder as he turned to walk away.

“You know, to be fair, you did come on a little strong,” Kurt said, trying to defend himself. Sebastian smirked, shaking his head, but the comment made him pause.

“Please,” Kurt said, holding Sebastian’s shoulder. “Please, can’t we just…start over?”

Sebastian glared at Kurt.

“Well, why don’t you close your eyes for a minute, and we’ll see what happens.”

Kurt felt his heart twist in his chest at the cold, hurt look in Sebastian’s eyes. Kurt sighed and shut his eyes, waiting, pretty sure that Sebastian would just walk off and leave him.

Sebastian had every right.

He almost did.

He barely took a step before he stopped. He looked at Kurt, eyes closed, waiting, the same way Sebastian waited for Kurt.

“I…I can’t do that to you,” Sebastian said.

Kurt opened his eyes slowly. Sebastian looked down at his shoes, scuffing the linoleum with his foot.

“I can’t just leave you here.”

“Why not?” Kurt asked.

Sebastian looked back up at Kurt’s face.

“Because I wasn’t lying,” Sebastian said matter-of-factly. “I was telling the truth when I said I wanted to get to know you. I want to know everything about you. And not just because…” Sebastian raised a hand and unconsciously gestured to Kurt’s face, “...because I can see you. It’s because…I have a feeling that we have a lot in common.”

“Yeah,” Kurt said, dropping his own eyes to his white Doc Marten boots. “Like what?”

Sebastian moved closer, ducking his head to catch Kurt’s gaze.

“Like maybe we can both use a friend.”

Kurt was too ashamed to look at Sebastian, but Sebastian wouldn’t let him look away.

“I have a place off campus,” Sebastian offered. “Maybe you can come over and I can make us dinner?”

Kurt swallowed hard, letting his mind wander, entertaining the idea that maybe Sebastian had more than just dinner in mind, as ridiculous a thought as that may be.

“When?” Kurt asked, hoping his voice didn’t sound as small and pathetic as he thought it did.

“What are you doing right now?”

Kurt smiled.

“Nothing important,” he said.

Sebastian turned half-way, preparing to walk out of the classroom with Kurt following, but at the last moment he offered Kurt his hand. Kurt took it, suppressing a ridiculous giggle as he walked with Sebastian out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt turned in a slow circle and whistled low, taking in every inch of Sebastian’s stylish studio apartment.

“When you said you had a place off-campus, I thought for sure you meant one of the little shoeboxes the rest of us got shoved into. But this…”

Kurt whistled again.

Sebastian smiled, taking Kurt’s book bag and putting it beside his on the floor near the door.

“Well, money has its perks,” Sebastian admitted, “and I have plenty of it. Thank you grandma and grandpa.” Sebastian gazed up at the ceiling and sent a small kiss skyward.

“Ah, trust fund baby,” Kurt said, walking over to the plush sofa and dropping down into the cushion. The oversize piece of furniture nearly swallowed him whole, not that he minded. This caramel-colored sofa, with its high-back and armrests, was even more comfortable than his own bed. He closed his eyes and sighed, the sound of Sebastian’s unguarded chuckle making him smile.

“Comfy?” Sebastian teased, knocking into one of Kurt’s knees with his own.

“Shhh,” Kurt teased back. “I’m asleep.”

Sebastian smiled and shook his head, stealing a moment to examine Kurt from his head of perfectly-styled walnut colored hair, over his retro Tommy Hilfiger tee and artfully torn Abercrombie jeans, down to his Doc Marten boots, only tied half way. Sebastian followed the line of Kurt’s clothes back up his body, eyes riding the gentle curves of his jeans where they clung to his muscles, the rise and fall of his stomach beneath his shirt as he breathed, reaching his face – that beautiful, confusing, complicated face – in time to see one eyelid pop open when Sebastian took too long and the room stayed too quiet.

Sebastian recovered quickly, clearing his throat and turning away, occupying himself by quickly kicking off his checkered Vans, but Kurt smiled nonetheless.

“You live in off-campus housing, I take it?” Sebastian took a seat beside Kurt, turning toward him, knees barely touching.

“Yup,” Kurt replied, still watching Sebastian through only one open eye. “I share a two-bedroom with a performance artist, and luckily for me, he’s not all too particular.”

“Oh—oh.” Sebastian bobbed his head in a nod, disappointment evident in his voice so much so that Kurt couldn’t bear to tease him.

“Yeah, but he spends most of his time at his girlfriend’s sorority house anyway, so I get the place mostly to myself.”

Sebastian fought the smile that started to tense his cheeks, trying his best to look nonplussed by Kurt’s remark, knowing how much he had just revealed his hand.

“Well, why don’t I make us something to eat?” Sebastian suggested, rising from the couch.

“Ooo, let me help you,” Kurt offered, rocking back and forth in a failed effort to dislodge himself from the couch cushions. Sebastian stood back a step and watched, reluctant to offer any assistance as payback for Kurt poking fun at him. Kurt slid forward finally, almost dropping to his knees on the floor in an attempt to get to his feet. Kurt stood straight, crossing his arms over his chest, and glaring at Sebastian with a hint of humor in his eyes.

“Nice,” Kurt accused. “Very nice.”

Kurt marveled at Sebastian’s state-of-the-art kitchen, quietly turning green as he chopped vegetables at the island and watched Sebastian cook. Sebastian looked comfortable, almost in his element, and Kurt, who didn’t impress easily, found that he was. He bit his lip when Sebastian flipped vegetables in the sautee pan over the fire with ease, fiddled uncomfortably in his seat when Sebastian cracked two eggs at a time perfectly in one hand, and almost moaned out loud at the way Sebastian massaged a dry rub into a roast.

And Sebastian, who might have been putting on a little bit of a show, preened at the attention he knew he attracted, realizing Kurt was watching when he heard the pounding of the knife against the cutting board slow and then come to a stop.

“So, how are the veggies coming?” Sebastian asked, slowly slipping the roast in the oven.

“Oh…what?” Kurt sat rim-rod straight, dropping the knife that dangled from his fingers onto the mutilated carrot lying on the cutting board. “Uh..l…all done.”

Sebastian grabbed a large salad bowl and started gathering up the various chopped greens and roots, tossing them together expertly with a vinaigrette he had mixed earlier from scratch. Kurt would have stopped staring if that were humanly possible, but at this point, he couldn’t tear his eyes away if he tried. Flattered and amused, Sebastian picked the bowl up off the counter and headed toward the dining room.

“Why don’t we get started,” he said, smoothly leading Kurt out to the table without turning to see if he was following.

Kurt never realized he could have romantic feelings for a rump roast until he tasted the meal Sebastian had made. Kurt bit his lip, trying hard to keep from moaning after every single bite. After every moan, Sebastian’s heart would stutter, his entire body reacting to the sound, until he had to cross his legs tight at the ankles to keep from getting up and moving to the seat beside Kurt. Sebastian needed a distraction from the sinful way Kurt’s mouth moved around the piece of meat as he chewed, the way he closed his eyes to appreciate every bite, and that delicious moan.

“Tell me about your dad,” Sebastian said, feeling that discussions about a parental figure might be just the thing to cool him off.

Kurt sighed wistfully, and Sebastian was afraid that maybe he chose the wrong distraction.

“He’s my rock,” Kurt replied simply. “I love him. I miss him. He blamed himself way too much for this…” Kurt gestured down the side of his face. “But he was overprotective, and so sad all the time. It might sound selfish, but I just needed to get away from that.”

“Yeah, that sounds incredibly selfish,” Sebastian agreed. Kurt turned hard eyes on him, but Sebastian continued on. “But, you’re supposed to be selfish, Kurt. This is your life, and you have to start living it. He’s your dad. He’ll understand.”

Kurt looked down at his meal and nodded, toying at another tempting bite with the tines of his fork.

“What about your family?” Kurt asked, looking up to meet Sebastian’s eyes. “What are they like?”

Sebastian chewed while he thought, taking a moment to wipe his mouth with a napkin before answering.

“Distant,” he said. “I was a very hyper child, and my parents couldn’t really handle me. Then after the accident, they shut me away so I’d never get hurt again.”

“So, you weren’t born like this?”

“Nope.” Sebastian’s lips twitched into a sad half-smile. “I fell out of a tree…knocked into every branch on the way down, ended up unconscious for days. When I woke up, I couldn’t see my mom and dad’s face. The doctor just thought it was trauma from the fall, and that someday, when my brain had fully healed and the swelling was gone, everything would go back to normal. But it never did.”

“I’m sorry.” Kurt wished he could think of something smarter, more compassionate or relevant to say, but nothing came to mind, and Kurt didn’t want to stay quiet in the face of such a tragic story.

Sebastian shrugged.

“It is what it is.”

“Well, is there a chance, maybe? You know, that your vision will return?” Kurt realized he was grasping at straws, probably even the same straws Sebastian had grasped over and over, but it just seemed too heartbreaking to be real. Sebastian’s stiff smile melted into something warm and sympathetic, touched that Kurt would be bothered so deeply by his affliction.

“Well, you read the literature your therapist gave you, right?” Sebastian said with just a hint of teasing in his voice. “What did it say?”

Kurt’s hopeful gaze dropped to the table once more, and he shook his head.

“Highly unlikely at this stage.”

A tense, awkward silence grew between them, Sebastian watching over the rim of his water glass as Kurt pushed the remnants of his sautéed vegetables around the edge of his plate.

“Well,” Sebastian said when the slight scraping of Kurt’s fork against his plate became too much, “this is just about killing my buzz.”

Kurt’s head snapped up, his eyes going wide.

“Wait...” he sputtered, watching Sebastian push away from the table and stand, “b-but we’re not…what kind of buzz, exactly?”

Sebastian walked over to Kurt and took his elbow, silently persuading him to stand. Sebastian leaned into Kurt’s ear.

“The buzz of having a gorgeous man in my apartment,” Sebastian whispered, pulling Kurt carefully back to the living room and the dangerously comfortable sofa. Kurt ducked his head as he allowed himself to be ushered along. He wanted to object, but he didn’t want to sound self-depreciating, especially in light of the fact the Jane had been right during their last session. Kurt finally met someone who had a worse burden to bear in life than he did.

“What did you have in mind?” Kurt asked instead. Sebastian twirled them around, pushing Kurt gently back onto the seat cushion and then dropping down in the space beside him.

“A good old-fashioned game of Twenty Questions,” Sebastian offered. “I know you’ve got some. Lord knows I have a couple. And if we’re going to bring on the heavy, I’d rather do it sitting here next to you than across from you at the kitchen table. Agreed?”

“A-agreed,” Kurt stammered, though at this point he would have agreed to anything. Sebastian sat so close to Kurt that he noticed for the first time the unique, spicy scent of Sebastian’s cologne, and the subtle way his piercing green eyes looked from Kurt’s eyes to his lips and then flicked back up to his eyes again with just a subtle dart of his tongue over his lips as a chaser.

“Great. You go first.”

“Uh…” Kurt had a million questions, but now that he had the opportunity, his mind went blank. Or maybe there was just a short-circuit between his brain and his mouth the moment he saw Sebastian absentmindedly rub his hand up and down the leg of his jeans, working at stiff a muscle in his thigh. Kurt folded his hands in his lap and tried to concentrate.

“Has this ever happened to you before?” Kurt asked. “You know…was there ever someone else whose face you could see, or am I the first?”

Sebastian screwed up his face as he thought, finishing off the massage of his thigh with a few firm strokes that had Kurt at a complete loss of upper-level brain function.

“There was this guy when I first moved here,” Sebastian began, not seeming to notice Kurt’s sudden distress as Kurt clasped his hands tighter. “He was jogging, and I was walking, just exploring the city. He almost ran into me, and when I looked at him I thought, just for a second, that I could see him.” Kurt nodded, more intrigued now than uncomfortable. “I heard a lady next to me murmuring something about a face tattoo, so maybe…you know…considering…maybe I did see him.”

Kurt nodded again, and Sebastian didn’t miss the tiny twinge that shifted Kurt’s features for a split-second from curious to disappointed.

“But I always believed,” Sebastian quickly amended, “that maybe I was alone for so long that maybe I hallucinated that image…that maybe my brain picked a face at random and filled in the pieces.”

Kurt raised a skeptical eyebrow at that comment, but his expression seemed lighter, more full of hope.

“When I moved to the city, I was in a bad place,” Sebastian explained, and this time Kurt’s expression of hope became more complete.

“I guess that sounds plausible,” Kurt agreed.

“Okay,” Sebastian said, clapping his hands together. “My turn.”

Sebastian wrung his hands together, trying to think of the perfect question to ask. Truth be told, he wanted to see Kurt squirm a little, but maybe loosen him up in the process.

“Okay,” he repeated when he thought up the perfect question. “Tell me what your last boyfriend was like.”

Sebastian expected an exasperated sigh, maybe a dramatic eye roll. He didn’t expect Kurt to drop his eyes to his folded hands and shift anxiously in his seat, with a look on his face as if he was trying to decide whether to answer the question or bolt from the apartment.

“I…I’ve never…” Kurt huffed in frustration. He peeked up to see Sebastian’s gorgeous face staring at him, a mixture of patience and good-natured ribbing in his expression. It was that feeling of being made fun of when Kurt didn’t share in the joke that made him snap. He looked up quickly, flashing steely eyes in Sebastian’s direction. “I’ve never had a boyfriend, okay!”

“Okay, Kurt,” Sebastian said, forced physically backward by Kurt’s change in mood. “Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

“What was your first kiss like?” Kurt asked, angrily pursuing Sebastian down the length of the sofa. Sebastian had no idea what Kurt had in mind, but he let Kurt crowd him against the armrest at the opposite end.

Sebastian’s slight frown morphed slowly into a mischievous smirk, and Kurt felt a subtle burn fill his chilled insides. There was so much more than friendly affection in that expression and Kurt was dying to know what Sebastian was really thinking when his lips curled into that alluring, cocky grin and his eyes glowed.

“How do you know there’s even been one?”

Kurt laughed bitterly, a single sharp sound that conveyed all his anger.

“Well, have you seen yourself?” Kurt spoke first and thought after. He stopped, his mouth dropping, mortified by what he said, but Sebastian just smiled.

“Parts of myself, yes,” he answered.

“I….Jesus fucking shit!”

Kurt stopped his pursuit in favor of hiding his face in his folded arms on his lap.

Sebastian wanted to laugh.

“Why are you so nervous, Kurt?” Sebastian soothed, but Kurt just groaned in response, finding it hard to speak with his foot lodged so firmly in his mouth.

Sebastian considered running a comforting hand over Kurt’s back, even going so far as to raise a hand and let it hover an inch or so above Kurt’s body, but he changed his mind, pulling the appendage back to his side.

“My first kiss…” Sebastian started, finding a spot on Kurt’s t-shirt and fixing his eyes on it, “…was with a girl who worked for my dad.”

Kurt slowly raised his head, confusion written in every line of his furrowed brow.

“Wait…are you…”

“No,” Sebastian finished quickly. “100% gay, but at the time, being so isolated from the world, maybe I was a little unsure, and this girl…I think my dad hired her to work around the house, just in case I was interested.”

Kurt absorbed the words for a moment, let them rattle around his brain until they made sense.

“Oh,” Kurt said quietly, his lips lingering in a little ‘o’-shape. Kurt didn’t hide his face again as he waited for Sebastian to continue.

“Anyway,” Sebastian drawled, “I guess she got tired of waiting…or maybe my dad threatened to fire her for not doing her job, because she cornered me one afternoon in the library and kissed me.”

Kurt breathed in sharp and quick, horrified on Sebastian’s behalf.

“And it was…”

“Awful,” Sebastian chuckled. “It was hard and tight lipped with a lot of teeth and tongue.” Sebastian made a face and shook his head as if he had just bitten into something sour. Kurt sat up quickly and laughed in spite of himself. “I was sixteen.” Sebastian shrugged. “My dad found out and made a big deal out of it.”

“How did you react?” Kurt asked, throwing tact under the bus for the sake of his intense curiosity. “I mean, what did you say to him?”

“Nothing. I never spoke to him again,” Sebastian admitted without a hint of regret in his voice. “You know, it may sound stupid, but I had a fantasy about how that first kiss would go, and he pretty much paid somebody to take that dream away from me.”

Kurt wanted to cry, out of anger, out frustration, out of sadness. He wanted to curse and scream. He suddenly felt restless, like he needed to pace or punch something or run. It was one thing to have people he didn’t know dislike him and judge him. Kurt was used to having complete strangers tell him he’d never achieve his dreams. But it was entirely inconceivable to him to have someone who professed to love you and raise you, whose job it was to protect you, tear your dreams apart for you.

“Sebastian,” Kurt said finally, “I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have asked. I kind of wanted to get back at you, but you didn’t know either…” Kurt ran his hands through his hair, blowing out a deep breath. “I guess…it’s your turn. If you want to keep going.”

Sebastian nodded, biting his lip. He moved back to his original spot, closer to Kurt on the couch.

“I do, actually,” Sebastian said, watching as Kurt’s eyes tracked his movement. Kurt didn’t look apprehensive, just surprised, and Sebastian noticed the moment Kurt’s breath hitched in his throat as he correctly read Sebastian’s intentions.

“Shoot,” Kurt whispered, the focus of his gaze dropping from Sebastian’s eyes to his lips and that tempting tongue that licked along the seam slowly. Sebastian stopped when he came so close that Kurt’s eyes couldn’t focus on him anymore, and a single ‘yes’ would be enough to close the distance of a shallow breath.

“Can I kiss you?”


	4. Chapter 4

“Can I kiss you?” Sebastian’s breath danced across Kurt’s lips in tiny puffs that tickled and tempted and tantalized all at the same time.

Kurt stopped breathing. He literally, figuratively, physiologically, spiritually, and in every conceivable way possible could not move, and thinking was quickly following suit. His mind remained stuck in an endless loop of the moment when Sebastian had uttered the question, ”Can I kiss you?”.

Inside, Kurt was astounded, amazed, excited…but without meaning to, he looked absolutely terrified.

Sebastian edged back just a bit to better see the expression on Kurt’s face. He saw Kurt’s eyes growing wider still, his jaw clenched, lips pulled tight. Sebastian’s brow furrowed.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, not sure if he should feel flattered or offended.

“No—nothing,” Kurt stammered, finally finding his voice and not quite using it as effectively as he had hoped. “Nothing’s wrong, I…just…nobody’s ever asked me that before.”

Sebastian tilted his head, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

“I liked it,” Kurt rushed to answer. “I…I liked it a lot.”

Sebastian chuckled gently. He scooted in closer, feeling the waves of apprehension that surrounded Kurt’s rigid body like a dark aura melt away.

“Would you like me to ask you again?” Sebastian asked quietly, already sure he knew what the answer would be. This time he reached out a hand to hook a finger beneath Kurt’s chin, smiling when Kurt shivered beneath his touch.

Kurt nodded before he could find the words to answer.

“Y-yes please,” Kurt said, wincing internally at the obvious sound of desperation in his voice. Sebastian smiled; he couldn’t stop smiling. He played over Kurt’s mouth with his own, shadowing Kurt’s lips, barely brushing against his skin.

“Can I kiss you?”

Sebastian’s voice was just a suggestion. Kurt felt the question in his mouth, against his lips, washing over his tongue. Kurt only nodded once, a single dip of his head, and Sebastian pulled in close, stopping for a second to breathe Kurt in before he slid his lips slowly across Kurt’s mouth and kissed him.

Kurt heard a moan – just a short, choked sound that vibrated across his skin and tickled his tongue - but he couldn’t tell which of them had made the sound. He focused on the overwhelming sensation of fulfillment that flooded his body, filling his senses straight to his soul. Kurt craved human contact, but he never realized just how much he _needed_ this. He needed a connection and here it was with all the beautiful bells and whistles that came with it; attraction, desire, longing – it was all there.

Kurt finally felt like he belonged. In a world that saw him as a freak, an outsider, here in the arms of this gorgeous man of all places, he found a niche to fill. Maybe it was the same thing Sebastian felt, the way he was certain that he could see Kurt for a reason; that in a world full of self-absorbed cynics fumbling to find their match, Kurt and Sebastian were marked so distinctly that at least the two of them could get it right – that they would see each other and just know.

Sebastian smiled. Kurt could feel it against his lips. Kurt’s lips still moved against his when Sebastian whispered, ”That was it. That was the dream.”

Sebastian pressed in on Kurt again, wanting more of that fantasy. Kurt got caught up in the kiss, became breathless with the taste of another man, the sensation of being touched intimately. He was so enthralled by the act itself that he barely registered Sebastian’s fingers, which had travelled over the thin fabric of Kurt’s shirt and tangled loosely in the hem. The first touch was a question, a light flutter of fingertips playing at the edge, asking for permission to sneak underneath. Kurt broke their kiss when he realized, his gaze falling to the fingers frozen in their dance. Slowly his eyes traveled up the length of Sebastian’s arm, meeting with green eyes, blown wide, pleading for Kurt to stop him now if this wasn’t what he wanted.

Kurt swallowed hard, but he found it difficult to say no to Sebastian. Those big green eyes just might be the death of him, Kurt thought. Kurt couldn’t help the feeling that he would completely break Sebastian’s heart if he refused. But he didn’t let that sway him. Kurt knew he could say no. This long stretch of tension-filled silence was a testament to Sebastian’s restraint. Kurt could reject him, and Sebastian would back down.

Kurt had a different, more pressing problem.

He didn’t want to say no. He wanted a man to touch him.

Correction.

He wanted _Sebastian_ to touch him.

Sebastian started to pull his hands away, sure he had crossed a line. He took a deep breath, trying to calm the surge of fire in his blood that came with just the thought of running his fingertips over what he was sure was smooth, flawless skin.

The burn didn’t matter. The scars didn’t matter. All that mattered was Kurt.

Sebastian would wait for Kurt.

Luckily, he didn’t have to wait too long.

Kurt watched Sebastian’s fingers retreat, and grabbed his wrists quickly.

Kurt’s hands shook. He had no clue what he was doing. He didn’t know what it meant to be sexy. Kurt had no idea what Sebastian saw when those green eyes looked at him, when they raked over his body, when his urge to kiss and to touch and to feel overwhelmed him, leading them to this heated make-out session on his couch only a few days after they first met, especially considering on one of those days Kurt ditched him in a coffee shop with his eyes closed, waiting to be kissed.

Kurt knew nothing about seducing men, but he knew what he wanted, what he was willing to give.

And he wanted that with Sebastian.

Kurt pulled Sebastian’s hands close, let them hover over his stomach, feeling the intense heat of Sebastian’s skin come off him in waves.

Sebastian watched Kurt intently, holding his breath, waiting for him to move, to make a decision.

Kurt stared deep into Sebastian’s eyes as he moved forward just an inch, and Sebastian’s hands caressed his skin.

Sebastian moaned, actually moaned at the contact, and the sound fueled Kurt, gave him confidence. He advanced on Sebastian, straddling his hips and pinning him to the arm of the couch, leaning down to kiss him, hot and hungry. He could feel Sebastian’s want in the way his hands stroked along his skin so lightly it sent tingles throughout every nerve in his body; the way he rose up to meet Kurt’s kisses, chasing his lips when he pulled away to breathe; the way Sebastian became harder with every lick of Kurt’s tongue along the seam of his mouth, and the moans that Kurt swallowed greedily every time he rolled his hips down into Sebastian’s lap.

“Oh, K-kurt,” Sebastian stuttered, opening his eyes every time Kurt pulled away, locking on to fiery blue eyes, “beautiful, beautiful Kurt.”

Kurt’s breath escaped him completely, leaving a hard knot behind. How could he say that, Kurt wondered, feeling the way Sebastian’s fingertips outlined the ridges of his scarred abdomen, grabbed at Kurt’s roaming hands and held them – one hand perfect, the other with skin rough and repulsive.

How could Sebastian call him beautiful?

It was because Sebastian hadn’t seen. He didn’t really know. He’d felt the marks, sure, but he had never lain eyes on them.

Kurt took a deep breath, giving himself the courage to pull away.

“Wh-what?” Sebastian muttered when he realized Kurt was backing down. “Is everything okay? D-did I do something wrong?”

Looking down into Sebastian’s confused face, green eyes dark, kiss swollen lips frowning slightly, made Kurt’s heart hurt, but he needed strength.

“No,” Kurt assured him. “No…you did nothing wrong. It’s me…”

Sebastian shook his head slowly, comforted by the fact that Kurt hadn’t completely left him. Kurt sat poised on Sebastian’s hips, holding onto his hands while he spoke.

“I want to show you something,” Kurt started slowly, reaching for the hem of his shirt, preparing to pull it up. “Those papers I read…they say that in some cases your mind can fill in the blanks…it can justify things that you see by being exposed to the truth…”

“You don’t have to, Kurt,” Sebastian said, pulling Kurt’s hand away. “I don’t need to see it if you don’t want me to. No matter what, it can’t change the way I feel.”

“But…it feels like lying,” Kurt muttered. “And I don’t want to start a relationship with you that’s based on lies, Sebastian. I don’t want to hide anything.” Kurt looked significantly into Sebastian’s open, honest face. “I want you to like me for everything I am…and this is part of me.”

“It might not even work,” Sebastian argued.

“Do you like me, Sebastian?” Kurt asked quickly.

“Of course,” Sebastian said, looking around with a smirk at the position they were currently sitting in. “I would like to think it’s kind of obvious.”

Kurt smiled nervously.

“And you think that nothing is going to change that, right?”

Sebastian’s smirk fell along with Kurt’s eyes. Sebastian ducked his head to catch Kurt’s gaze again.

“Nothing you can show me is going to change that,” Sebastian said firmly.

“Then…I need to try.” Kurt’s voice wavered a little. “Please.”

Sebastian closed his eyes and nodded.

“Alright, Kurt,” Sebastian agreed. “If this is really what you want.”

“It is,” Kurt said quietly, unconvincingly.

Sebastian watched the t-shirt creep up Kurt’s skin. Kurt pulled it up over his head, biting back tears when he heard Sebastian gasp.

“Oh, Kurt,” Sebastian said in a voice that sounded more awed than disgusted. Kurt tugged the rest of the shirt off quickly to look at Sebastian, not prepared for what he saw. Sebastian wore a tiny smile on his lush pink lips, his hand hovering just above Kurt’s pale skin.

“Sebastian?” Kurt asked, trying to understand Sebastian’s expression.

“Kurt…has anyone ever told you how amazing you are?” Sebastian asked, laughing just a bit as he gave himself permission to touch Kurt again, gentle fingers tracing down the lines of Kurt’s muscles.

“Sebastian!” Kurt chided.

Sebastian’s fingers played across Kurt’s skin, traveling across the boundary from perfect skin to broken skin without flinching, as if the burn wasn’t even there, the look of awe never leaving his handsome face.

“Oh my God, Kurt,” Sebastian moaned, and for the first time he looked back at Kurt’s face. Sebastian smiled, trying to pull Kurt back down to meet his lips. “God, you’re gorgeous.”

“No!” Kurt wailed, pushing away. “No, I’m not!”

Sebastian’s look of confusion returned.

“Don’t you see it?” Kurt cried incredulously. “Or does your crazy brain injury keep you from seeing that, too?”

Kurt wanted to bite his tongue off after the words came out of his mouth. Sebastian looked hurt, but he made no move to shove Kurt away. In fact, he took Kurt’s hands again and held them tighter. Kurt sighed.

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said. “I didn’t mean that. I just…tell me, Sebastian. Don’t lie to me. Don’t feed me any new age meme poster stuff. Just tell me if you can see it.”

Sebastian bit his lip, weighing his options, and after a moment of silence, he opted to go with the truth.

“Yes,” he said quietly. “Now I see it.”

Kurt crumpled.

 _What have I done?_ Kurt thought sadly.

Why did he always have to push? Sebastian liked him. Why couldn’t Kurt just leave well enough alone?

“I see your face, Kurt,” Sebastian whispered, “and I see your scar. I see you, the way you are, and guess what?”

Kurt met his eyes, waiting for the sure-fire rejection.

“I don’t care,” Sebastian said, his face lighting up. “You’re still you, Kurt. And you’re still beautiful, inside and out, and now…I see you, just the way you are.”

Kurt didn’t know how to feel about that. He was so prepared for the let-down that for some strange reason not being rejected kind of made him angry.

Sebastian watched the different odd emotions play out over Kurt’s face, wanting so much to laugh at the confusion that turned into seething anger and then something that looked suspiciously like lust.

“How about this?” Sebastian offered, pulling Kurt close. “How about we slow this down a little bit?”

“You…do you want me to leave?” Kurt said, sounding affronted.

Sebastian shook his head.

“Not at all. I say we get drunk and watch reality t.v. until we fall asleep on the floor. What do you say?”

Kurt looked startled for a moment, staring at Sebastian for a good ten seconds before breaking into a fit of giggles.

“Sure,” Kurt said. “Why not?”

Sebastian sat up, taking Kurt with him, pressing up against him till they sat nose to nose.

“Do you like tequila?” Sebastian asked against Kurt’s lips, so close Kurt thought Sebastian would kiss him.

“I think so,” Kurt answered honestly. He was sure he had it before, but right now, with Sebastian's tempting lips so close and his taste still in Kurt's mouth, he couldn’t really remember.

Sebastian’s eyes flicked down to Kurt’s lips for a moment, and then back to his eyes.

“Can I kiss you again?” Sebastian whispered, inching even closer.

“Yes,” Kurt whispered. He ran his tongue slowly over his dry lips, hooded eyes staring into Sebastian’s as he prepared to be kissed.

But at the last moment, Sebastian backed away, that sinful smirk returning.

“That’s good to know,” Sebastian said, tossing Kurt onto the couch and heading for the kitchen.

***

Sebastian snored when he slept, not loud or obnoxious, like a freight train or his father. He made small little grunts, and the occasional moan. He muttered and once or twice he actually giggled. Kurt logged the information away for use in the future.

Kurt nuzzled against Sebastian’s chest and smiled, amazed that he would be tangled together with a sexy man, drowsy and still a little drunk; on the floor of the nicest apartment he’d ever seen.

After splitting almost a full bottle of tequila, Kurt was warm and relaxed enough to drift to sleep without a single care or concern in the world, but now that he started to wake up, he couldn’t stop his mind from working. He watched Sebastian sleep, felt the easy rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, listened to the little mumbling sounds he made, and instead of feeling lucky, he felt dismay over this beautiful moment that would eventually have to end.

But why did it have to end?

Kurt reviewed the whole night in his head, picked apart everything Sebastian said, everything he did, the way he looked at Kurt with such adoration in his eyes. Quietly Kurt debated the whys and why nots, and after he prepared a carefully thought out list of reasons and excuses as to why the two of them together was a bad idea, why it ultimately wouldn’t work between them, he thought about the kiss. That beautiful, spine-tingling, toe-curling kiss, and suddenly every argument, every sad and pathetic excuse became invalid. Kurt knew that when he finally made his way home, he wouldn’t be able to bring himself to shower or brush his teeth. He didn’t want to erase the taste of Sebastian from his mouth, or scrub away the traces of his touch from his skin. His body came alive at the gentle brush of Sebastian’s fingertips on his body, the way they seemed to know their way around, as if maybe Sebastian sat at home late at night and imagined the path they would take if they ever had the chance.

But Kurt was still so confused. It was easy for Sebastian to confess these desires behind closed doors, but would things change in the light of day, faced with the disapproving glares and the people who will most assuredly have something to say, either to their faces or behind their backs.

Kurt needed perspective; he needed to clear his head of the tequila and think, which got progressively harder and harder the more Sebastian wrapped his arms around Kurt’s body, this time resting an errant hand on Kurt’s ass.

Kurt never wanted anything so much as he wanted this man right now, and that’s why he had to get away.

It took several long moments of sliding and careful maneuvering to disentangle himself from Sebastian’s embrace, considering he really didn’t want to go. But he had to. He tiptoed to the apartment door and slipped on his Doc Martens, leaving them untied for the sake of speed. He picked up his backpack and took a final look around. He knew he should leave a note, but what exactly would he say? I’m leaving because I want you too much? I’m afraid you’re not going to talk to me in public?

You’re everything I never knew I wanted, so I’m leaving before I lose you?

It all sounded so stupid and cliché.

So, blowing Sebastian a final kiss, Kurt Hummel did what he did best.

He left.

***

Sebastian showed up late to class, not looking at all like death warmed over, which was the way Kurt felt, but more so for leaving Sebastian alone in the middle of the night than from the actual effects of the alcohol. Sebastian made a beeline for his desk when he arrived, and never once looked up to find Kurt.

Kurt understood. He’d be pissed, too.

Kurt Hummel score card: Royal fuck ups - 2. Chance of a relationship with a gorgeous man who seemed to genuinely like him – well, there he went into negative numbers.

Which was probably what Professor Evans was discussing. Kurt didn’t know. He spent the whole class period making moon eyes at Sebastian and hating himself more with every minute that ticked by. He barely registered the snickering of the girls sitting behind him until the word ‘pathetic’ broke through the stream of his consciousness, and his head snapped quickly around.

“Excuse me?” Kurt growled, and the girl who spoke, the blonde girl who had eyes for Sebastian since day one, looked visibly taken back, but recovered quickly when Sebastian’s emerald eyes shifted to take in the disruption.

“Don’t kid yourself,” the blonde girl persisted. “He’s just taking pity on you. He’s doing a good deed, befriending the freak of nature…you know, like community service.”

The girl with the auburn curls sitting beside blondie chuckled. Kurt stood, tossing his bag on over his arm, furious that he couldn’t come up with anything witty and biting to say. How could he when he believed every word they said?

It was easier to believe than the idea that Sebastian might honestly and truly like him.

The blonde girl grinned; a glimmer of triumph in her sky blue eyes.

“Are these bitches bothering you, babe?”

Kurt’s head snapped up just as Sebastian pushed past the bitches in question, wrapped his arms around him, and without a single word more kissed him soundly on the mouth. Kurt whimpered as Sebastian pushed forward, pulling Kurt deeper and deeper into the kiss, spurred on by the heat of Kurt’s mouth and the gasps of surprise blossoming all around.

“Maybe a little,” Kurt confessed breathlessly when Sebastian pulled away.

“Well then,” Sebastian whispered against Kurt’s lips, placing small kisses around the contours of his mouth as he spoke, “how about we blow this popsicle stand and head back to my place? I’ll make you dinner again…” Sebastian started kissing a trail down Kurt’s scarred cheek, eliciting more gasps from those few students left in the room to witness Sebastian’s public display of affection. “I’ll make you dessert…” Sebastian nibbled on Kurt’s ear. “I’ll do whatever you want…” Sebastian latched onto a spot on Kurt’s neck, finding a place where the skin was miraculously almost undamaged, and licked small circles with the tip of his tongue. Kurt locked his knees tight, fighting the overwhelming urge to wrap a leg around Sebastian’s hips and pull him closer.

“E-even if that means watch _Moulin Rouge_ and making out a lot?” Kurt stuttered, all too aware that the people in the room had gone quiet watching them.

Sebastian smirked, placing one last kiss to Kurt’s lips before pulling the back pack off Kurt’s arm and shouldering it alongside his own.

“Sounds perfect,” Sebastian purred.

Kurt looked at Sebastian for a long time, and Sebastian let him look, knowing he was working things out in his mind.

“Does that mean you still like me?” Kurt whispered, a little unsure of Sebastian’s possessive display.

Sebastian leaned close to whisper in his ear.

“I’m pretty sure that’s what this means,” he confessed. “Are you going to run away on me again, because I’ve got to tell you, that might be wearing a bit on my self-esteem…”

Sebastian pulled far enough away so that Kurt could see the smirk curling his lips.

“That is, unless you want me to chase you,” Sebastian murmured suggestively. “That could be fun…”

“That does sound like fun,” Kurt returned, trying to match Sebastian’s suggestive tone. “But not this time. Let’s just go. This party got tired a _long_ time ago.”

Sebastian offered Kurt his arm with a slight gentlemanly bow. Kurt wove his arm through, holding onto Sebastian’s bicep with his other hand. He made a point of aiming a haughty glare at the girls staring at them, mouth agape like fish out of water, and suppressed the urge to skip instead of walk.

Sebastian put a hand over Kurt’s and squeezed gently.

“What are you thinking, gorgeous?” Sebastian asked. Kurt felt himself blush to his roots at the nickname.

“I’m glad that I’ve decided to stop being a stubborn ass.” Kurt sighed. Kurt looked into Sebastian’s eyes; perfect green eyes that smiled affectionately back at him. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes fondly and groaned.

“Oh, God. Really?” Sebastian murmured. “Did you think of that all by yourself?”

“Shut up, you freak of nature,” Kurt reprimanded with a little shove as the two disappeared out the door.

 


End file.
